“Nobody likes you, everyone left you. They’re all out without you, having fun…”
– “Letterbomb,” Green Day
I can’t think of a quote, song lyric, or line that better illustrates the crux of depression than that opening line from Green Day’s “Letterbomb,” from American Idiot. That’s how I feel most days, how mental illness hijacks my self confidence, leaving me a hollowed out husk of a human being who often decides it’s best to stay away.
And it is also, frankly, the best way to begin the introduction into my (mostly) daily documentations about life as a mentally ill man child. Welcome all to Depression is Just a Sarcastic State of Mind. One of my main goals in creating this site was to openly discuss my mental illness, to perhaps encourage others to feel comfortable doing the same, and maybe help institute a modicum of change and acceptance surrounding mental health issues in our society. If you want to read more about the intricacies of depression, anxiety, and what it does to the human brain, join me!
Depression sucks, like really sucks. It’s overwhelming, this feeling of intense unhappiness and futility that makes accomplishing anything seem impossible. It’s a certainty in your mind, such a supreme confidence in your future failures and shortcomings as a human being that you know it’s best to simply stay away. Why bother trying, or putting myself out there, or doing anything at all when the world is happier if I stay away from them all because, let’s face it, EVERYONE hates me?
Like I said, it sucks living with depression, or anxiety, or any other mental health issue. Trying to live openly and honestly with acceptance of your issues and what one needs to make it through the day, week, month or year is extremely difficult without succumbing to your illness. Usually, you just have to take things one day at a time, and try taking baby steps like Bob Wiley (from the brilliant advice of Dr. Leo Marvin).
But today? Call me Ice Cube ’cause today’s been a good day. I wrote this blog entry, overcame the nagging voice inside my mind screaming “DON’T BOTHER TRYING,” and ran around the historic canals in Lowell (after eating a breakfast with no hog). I’m alive and the future is in front of me; let’s see where it takes us. Until the next time…
So very very true!!